It’s Just Not Me

by R. L. Howser on November 27, 2010 · 0 comments

People come to me to improve their speech or presentation skills for one reason only; what they’re doing isn’t working. They want to make their presentations more interesting, more compelling and, above all, more effective.

Yet quite often, when I make suggestions for things they could do differently, they resist. They tell me they’re too shy to speak up clearly or make eye contact, or presentation just isn’t done that way in Japan. Invariably, the resistance is some variation of, “That’s just not me”, but that, to put it bluntly, is the point. You are the problem.

One of my first clients came to me because she felt she wasn’t being given the proper attention and respect, when she spoke at meetings or gave presentations. She was Japanese, and wanted me to help her punch up her English skills, so she could speak more crisply and articulately.

It was obvious to me, just from our initial conversation, what the problem was, and it wasn’t her English. Though far from perfect, she spoke well enough to communicate clearly with any native English speaker. The problem was that she had a rigid posture, a pinched, tight face that showed little expression and she spoke in a soft monotone. She was clearly a smart, capable woman, but everything about her screamed, “Don’t look at me,” so apparently they didn’t; didn’t look at her, didn’t listen to her, didn’t take her opinions seriously.

I suggested some aspects of her voice, posture and attitude that we could work on, but she brusquely dismissed them as irrelevant. She was adamant that she didn’t want to do anything in her presentation to draw attention to herself. She was sure that her ideas would be treated with the respect they deserved if she could state them more concisely and powerfully.

In the end, much to our mutual frustration, I was unable to help her. We couldn’t agree on the problem, so there was no way for us to work towards a solution.

If you want to get a different, better result, then something about you, or how you do things, has to change. It’s an uncomfortable realization for most people, and some never get past it. They simply want to learn a few tricks, polish their writing or figure out where they should put their hands, not to challenge their entire view of themselves

If you are willing, however, to take that leap, to accept that you need to make some fundamental changes in yourself, in your beliefs and your attitude, as well as in your actions, you can become a more skilled and effective speaker.

It may not be you. It may be better than you.

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